Fill No Glass For Me
by Saklani
Summary: Bashir and Garak's relationship change due to another officer's alcoholism


CODES: G/B   
RATED: PG-13, for m/m relations, bad language   
SUMMARY: The alcoholism of a Starfleet officer leads to a change in the relationship between Garak and Bashir.   
DISCLAIMER: Paraborg owns the characters, but they would never do with them what I will. I make no money from this, probably couldn't, even if I wanted to. I just like having fun!   
COMMENTS: This is the first long story I ever attempted. It is only the third to be out for public consumption. That said, please be kind. However, I do want constructive criticism. Thanks go out to my beta reader, Andi.   
  
**Acknowledgements   
**  
*Sivaoans are a creation of Janet Hagan, in her TOS novel, Uhura's Song. Read it!  
* Counselor Miril courtesy of BGM's excellent "Heart and Asylum." This is one of my favorite G/B stories!   
* Fistrium is a refractory, heavy metal that Data thought might have blocked the scans of the Crystalline Entity in the TNG episode, "Silicon Avatar."   
* The Cardassian word, j'barra, I borrowed from Anne Fairchild's story, "A Dragon's Heart." This may be my absolute favorite G/B story. You are missing out, if you have not read it!* The quotation is from Charles Dickens' immortal classic, "A Tale of Two Cities"   
  


  
Oh, Comrades, fill no glass for me,   
To drown my soul in liquid flame,   
For, if I drank, the toast should be,   
To blighted fortune, health and fame.   
Yet, though I long to quell the strife,   
That passion holds against my life,   
Still, boon companions may ye be,   
But, comrades, fill no glass for me.   
  
I know a breast that once was light,   
Whose patient suffering needs my care,   
I know a hearth that once was bright,   
But drooping hopes have nestled there,   
Then, while the teardrops nightly steal,   
From wounded hearts that I should heal,   
Though boon companions may ye be,   
Oh, comrades, fill no glass for me.   
  
When I was young, I felt the tide,   
Of aspirations undefiled,   
But manhood's year have wronged the pride,   
My parent's centered in their child,   
Then, by a mother's sacred tear,   
By all that memory should revere,   
Though boon companions ye may be,   
Oh, comrades, fill no glass for me.   
  
Though boon companions may ye be,   
Oh, comrades, fill no glass for me.   
-Stephen Foster, Comrades, Fill No Glass For Me   


  
  


Fill No Glass For Me   


  
Prologue   
  
Four bodies lay strewn around the smashed runabout. Lt. Thompson and Ensign All-Loops were clearly dead. Ensign Vareska's blood, which fast pooled around her, signaled her imminent demise.   
  
Lt. Enrique Perez lay helplessly against the wall, his right leg fractured, staring at his fallen comrades and repeatedly murmuring, "My fault, my fault, my fault... " By the time help arrived, only Perez survived and he had lapsed into merciful unconsciousness.   
  
Chapter 1   
  
Dr. Julian Bashir, CMO of Deep Space Nine, hated death certificates. They were the bane of every doctor's existence, and Bashir took each personally. "Another person I couldn't save," a dark part of his mind moaned, each time he had to fill one out. He particularly hated senseless deaths, and he believed Thompson, All-Loops and Vareska deserved better. Especially All-Loops...   
  
He remembered his first meeting with the Sivaoan and sadly smiled. She was the first felinoid Bashir ever knew, and he had been captivated by her. Always cheerful and accepting, she charmed everyone who knew her. All-Loops and Perez had been especially close friends.   
  
Bashir grimaced and went to check on his patient. Lt. Perez lay, unmoving, on the bio. bed, under heavy sedation. After Bashir treated his injuries, Perez awoke only once. He sat up, screaming and thrashing about, forcing Bashir to sedate him. Bashir and the station's counselor discussed the probability of Perez's needing counseling. They decided to recommend Perez attend a few sessions, due to his traumatic experience.   
  
How little they truly realized...even in deep sleep, Perez suffered through visions of the accident. And, throughout those visions, a voice echoed, "My fault, my fault, my fault..."   
  
"Doctor," a soft voice said, behind Bashir, "do you plan to eat lunch with Mr. Garak?"   
  
"Hmm?" Bashir turned to his Bajoran nurse.   
  
"Mr. Garak expects you for lunch, today, Doctor."   
  
"Oh...yes...of course...lunch...I'll be back in an hour. Perez could wake up, at any time. Notify me, if he does."   
  
She smiled, "I'll keep watch, Doctor."   
  
Bashir nodded and walked out the door.   
  
  
Garak watched Julian's entrance, into the Replimat, with carefully concealed pleasure. How beautiful he looked today, his hair slightly tousled, his lips full and pouty, his...   
  
*Careful, you old fool,* Garak cautioned himself, inwardly.   
  
Julian came over and smiled tiredly at his friend, "I may not be the best company. We lost three people in a runabout accident on Bajor."   
  
"I heard. Did you know any of them?" Garak asked, sympathetically.   
  
"I considered All-Loops a good friend. She always knew how to make me laugh."   
  
"Yes," Garak replied, "she had a special gift."   
  
Julian regarded Garak with surprise, "You knew All-Loops?"   
  
Garak smiled, sadly, "I also considered her my friend."   
  
Julian leaned forward and lightly squeezed Garak's hand, unaware of how his action warmed them tailor's heart. "I never realized, " he said softly.   
  
Garak looked down at his untouched lunch. "All-Loops accepted everyone; my heritage and dark past did not prevent her from offering friendship. She had an open and eager mind.... I enjoyed her company."   
  
Julian nodded, understandingly, "Yes...," but the rest of his sentence was cut off by his combadge's annoying beep.   
  
"Lt. Perez has woken up," Bashir's nurse announced, when he answered, "and I think you better get down here."   
  
"I'll be there directly," Julian answered, before turning back to his friend. "Perez is the only survivor of the accident, and I'm concerned about his emotional state. I really need to check on him."   
  
"Of course," Garak reassured, "I understand completely."   
  
Julian smiled, "This wasn't much of a lunch, Garak. How about we try again tomorrow?"   
  
*How generous you are, my wonderful Julian, * Garak thought, but his only answer was, "I look forward to it."   
  
Julian flashed him a heartbreaking smile, then proceeded back to the Infirmary.   
  
*Guls, how I love that human!* Garak thought, watching him depart.   
**********   
  
Lt. Perez was fully awake by the time Dr. Bashir returned to the Infirmary. Bashir quickly began to examine him and started to say, "Your wounds have healed quite nicely."   
  
Perez, however, cut him off, "Everyone else died, didn't they?"   
  
Bashir gently placed a hand on Perez's shoulder, "I'm afraid so, but..."   
  
"I know, it wasn't my fault," Perez finished, then bitterly laughed.   
  
"Enrique..."   
  
"Do not bore me with an uplifting speech, Doctor!" Perez spat.   
  
Bashir stiffened and his tone became stern, "You obviously require counseling, I will schedule you a session with Counselor Miril."   
  
Perez waved his hand, dismissing the doctor, "Do whatever you will, Doctor. I have no intention of attending."   
  
Bashir held onto his temper with difficulty, "Lt. Enrique Perez, I am ordering you to see Counselor Miril. I will make you an appointment, this very minute." He turned and walked to his medical console. After a moment's conference with Miril, Bashir got Perez an immediate appointment. He marched back to his sullen patient. Harnessing his compassion and bedside manner, he said, "Enrique, your physical wounds have healed, but you are obviously having emotional difficulties with this tragedy. The Counselor believes you should visit him, now. You are released from the Infirmary, but not returned to duty. The Counselor will decide when you can report back to your job."   
  
Perez's reply did not encourage Bashir, "Lucky, lucky me! I have a date with the good Counselor. I will not thank you for this, Doctor." Perez hopped off the bed and quickly left, without once glancing back.   
  
  
  
Chapter 2   
  
Quark considered refusing to serve the Starfleet Officer, loss of profit or not. The man was beyond drunk; he was shattered. He had downed several shots of Southern Comfort, but called for more. His behavior, which had not been good while he was sober, steadily turned worse. Currently, he harassed poor Morn so badly, the alien actually seemed ready to leave.   
  
Quark interrupted the abuse, "Lieutenant, if you cannot control yourself, I will call Constable Odo."   
  
The lieutenant whirled on him, "Look, you sniveling, moronic toad, just serve me, then leave!"   
  
Quark started to call for Security, but the man casually backhanded him. Quark's head smacked hard into his glass rack, and he flopped to the floor.   
  
"Perez!" a shocked voice cried, and a hand grabbed his arm. Perez cut off the rest of the sentence by smashing his left elbow into the new man's rib cage. He heard a satisfying cry of pain, and the hand let go. Perez wheeled and dealt a solid blow to the man's nose. He started to laugh, but a nasty blow to his neck sent Perez straight to unconsciousness.   
  
Elim Garak knelt by his fallen friend, "Doctor, are you all right?"   
  
Julian Bashir's nose gushed blood and he gasped desperately for breath. He nodded, weakly, at Garak and managed to say, "How's Quark?"   
  
Garak smiled at his friend's compassion, "Ferengis have notoriously hard heads, and Quark more so than others."   
  
With Garak's assistance, Julian regained his feet, but swayed dizzily. The gout from his nose had slowed, but remained steady. The Doctor ignored his own injuries and went to check on Quark. Quark had also gotten up and clung to his bar to remain standing. Julian ecamined him, while Garak called Security.   
  
Julian turned to Garak and said, "Quark and I are going to the Infirmary. Take care of Perez, will you?"   
  
Garak smiled, a bit menacingly, "I certainly will, Doctor." Julian nodded and left with Quark in tow, while Garak returned his attention to the awakening Perez.   
  
Just as Odo and two of his officers entered, Perez gazed up into glittering blue eyes. "Never touch Dr. Julian Bashir again," Garak hissed, "or I will snap your neck like a twig."   
  
Perez's eyes widened, but his drunken state emboldened him. "How long have you been fucking the good doctor, Cardie?" he snarled, "I've heard he's quite the enthusiastic lay."   
  
Garak might have killed him right there, but Odo's dry voice cut through his anger, "Mr. Garak, would you care to explain this?"   
  
"This man became violently drunk and attacked both Quark and Dr. Bashir," Garak stated, indicating the inebriated Perez.   
  
"Is this true, Lieutenant?"   
  
Perez attempted to stand, but his legs refused to support him. From an undignified position on the floor, he snarled, "Sure, believe the Spoonhead."   
  
Garak stiffened, "Dr. Bashir and Quark will support my statement."   
  
Perez coldly laughed, "A Ferengi and the Cardie's whore..."   
  
Odo's voice dripped disapproval and scorn, "You are not a credit to Starfleet, at this moment, Lieutenant." He gestured to his officers, "Please escort Lt. Perez to a holding cell." The two men hoisted Perez up by the underarms. They dragged Perez out, and he cursed them the whole way.   
  
Garak watched Perez being ejected, then turned toward Odo, "Constable..."   
  
Odo held up a placating hand, "I will conduct a full investigation, but I am sure your story will be supported."   
  
Garak nodded, but that really wasn't what was on his mind. In a quiet voice, he said, "What Perez said about Dr. Bashir..."   
  
Odo snorted, "The man was totally out of control. I see no reason to include the remark in my report."   
  
Relief flooded Garak, but he merely nodded his thanks. The Constable left, and Garak's attention was caught by the returning Quark. He walked over to him, "Where is Dr. Bashir?"   
  
"Hu-mans! The fool went to treat Perez's injuries. He must enjoy being beat up."   
  
Garak stifled a nasty remark and, instead, ordered a glass of Kanaar. He waited impatiently for the Doctor's return, but Julian did not come back. Eventually, Garak admitted defeat and went to bed.   
  
  
Chapter 3   
  
Julian Bashir staggered into the Replimat. He looked haggard and sported dark circles under his eyes. Garak watched with concern as the doctor ordered lunch, stumbled to their table and slumped into a chair. His greeting lacked its normal cheer, and he could not keep up an intelligent conversation. Garak noticed him continually staring into space. Several times, Julian missed what Garak said entirely.   
  
Finally, Garak shook his head in frustrated anger, "I am sorry this conversation is so boring."   
  
Julian looked surprised, then contrite. He sighed and Garak instantly forgave him. "I'm sorry, Garak. It's Perez... I saw him at Quark's again, today. He's drinking himself into oblivion. He refuses to let anyone help him. Oh, he hasn't been violent again, but his work is definitely poor. He's angling to get himself kicked out of Starfleet."   
  
"A truly pathetic case, but don't you think you're taking it a bit too personally?"   
  
Julian looked at him, with wide, pain-filled, hazel eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and hypnotic and Garak allowed himself to be transported by it...   
  
  
_Cadet Julian Bashir was incredibly happy. He had just learned of his acceptance into Starfleet Medical Academy. His happiness, however, blinded him to the despair of his close friend and fellow student, Carla Matise.   
  
Carla and Julian had been friends since their earliest days at the Academy. Both shared a love for helping people and wanted desperately to become doctors. Both also had strained relationships with their parents, specifically their fathers. The two consoled each other and shared tales about their fathers.   
  
However, while Julian breezed through his classes, Carla struggled. She hid her problems, from all her friends, so Julian did not know about them. Howver, had Julian not been so intent on his own success, he may have noticed.   
  
Now, Julian was too lost in self-congratulations and joy to notice anything. He did not pick up Carla's strained laughter or forced cheer. Everything was right for him, therefore everything must be right for her.   
  
But, nothing was right for Carla Matise. She had graduated from the Academy, but her grades were not good enough to get her into medical school. With great trepidation, she reported this to her father.   
  
The response was curt and cruel, "We are severely disappointed in you. I suppose we should not have expected better, but you know how your mother has always believed in you." Her father then cut off the transmission, leaving his daughter completely distraught.   
  
Julian's joyous announcement of his acceptance into medical school made her feel even more alone. For Julian's benefit, she feigned happiness. She also cleverly evaded his questions regarding her future.   
  
Both of them attended a congratulatory party given by their friends, several of them future doctors. Most everyone got drunk, all far gone in euphoria. Carla drank in deadly earnest. After the majority of attendees had collapsed in a stupor, she went out in search of stronger stuff. Unfortunately, she found it.   
  
The next morning, Julian awoke with a glorious hangover, stumbled home and went to bed. He awoke again, about mid afternoon, feeling much better. He decided to see how Carla was feeling and called her. Her roommate hadn't seen her, since the prior evening. Julian then called the party throwers to see if she were still there. No such luck.   
  
Getting worried, Julian called several other of her friends. Nothing. Finally, in desperation, Julian called her parents.   
  
"We have not heard from her, since she informed us, yesterday afternoon, that she did not get into Starfleet Medical," her father coldly informed Julian, "I'm not surprised she's disappeared, frankly. She has always been unable to deal with her failures."   
  
Julian felt terrible. How could he have been so blind? When his friend needed comforting, he had practically thrown her failure in her face. All his crowing about being accepted and dragging her to that stupid party! There they all had been, celebrating success, while she suffered. And now, she had disappeared. Julian called Starfleet Security and reported her as a missing person.   
  
For hours, Julian anxiously awaited news of his friend. He finally received a call from an older Security officer. The man gazed at him; his eyes full of pity. "Cadet Bashir?" When Bashir nodded, the man continued, "I have news regarding Cadet Carla Matise, whom you reported as a missing person. I am afraid she is dead."   
  
"No," Julian whispered, "please, no..."   
  
"I am sorry to be the bearer of such unpleasant news. Of course, we have already informed her parents."   
  
"How... how did it happen?"   
  
The officer sadly shook his head, "Alcohol poisoning. She drank herself to death."   
  
Julian Bashir did not remember the rest of the transmission. Somehow, he found himself alone, staring blankly at an empty screen. His friend was dead. He should have been there for her, but he was too self-absorbed to see past his own needs. Julian dissolved into sobs and cried, until he had no more tears.   
_   
  
Bashir let out a quiet sob and tears trickled down his cheeks. Across from him, a former ObsidianOrder agent felt like joining him. No wonder Julian had been so distracted, Lt. Perez's problems brought back such unpleasant memories.   
  
Garak wanted to gather Julian in his arms and comfort him. Just once, he wished he could hold his beloved doctor, if only to let him know everything was all right. "Oh, Julian," he whispered, softly.   
  
Garak reached out and gently grasped Julian's right hand. The two sat, hands intertwined, until Julian's crying stopped.   
  
"I'm sorry, Garak, but it has been so hard on me. I didn't help Carla, and Perez won't let me help him."   
  
"Your friend's death was not your fault, and neither are Lt. Perez's current problems. You have offered assistance numerous times, and he has rejected you every time."   
  
"I cannot give up trying, Garak!"   
  
"Of course you cannot. You would not be Julian Bashir, if you could." *And I wouldn't love you.*   
  
"Thank you, Garak. I know I've let Perez's troubles get me down. I just have to hope he can work it out. I promise to try not to let it depress me, as much."   
**********  
  
Julian kept his promise, over the next few weeks his spirits did improve. He deliberately avoided going to Quark's, however, because Perez's drinking did not stop. He continued to drink heavily, for several months without becoming violent. That changed one seemingly quiet day...   
  
  
Chapter 4   
  
  
Lt. Perez stood angrily in front of Captain Sisko's desk. The Captain took him to task for drinking, refusing to accept help, his sullen attitude and sloppy work. "One would think you didn't want to be in Starfleet at all!" Sisko thundered.   
  
Perez snapped off a sarcastic salute, "Well, at last, you actually said something halfway intelligent. Hallelujah!" He tore off his combadge and pips, "Here, Captain, enjoy. I resign!" With that, Perez turned on his heel and quick-marched out of Sisko's office. He headed for Quark's, furious and thirsty.  
  
Quark saw him enter and groaned. "How can I help you, Lieutenant?" he asked, trying to be polite.   
  
Perez smiled, a nasty grin, "Not a lieutenant anymore, frog-face. I resigned! Smartest thing I've ever done! I've come to celebrate! Give me a bottle of your strongest poison!"   
  
Quark looked uneasy, "I don't think that's a very good idea, Mr. Perez, I'm afraid..."   
  
Perez seized Quark's throat, with a powerful hand. "Give me that bottle Ferengi," he hissed, "or die in pain!"   
  
Quark made desperate choking noises and reached for a bottle, any bottle. Then, a calm voice said, "Let him go or I will shoot you."   
  
Perez dropped Quark and whirled to face Dr. Bashir. Bashir held a phaser on Perez and his face was grim. "I doubt you have the guts, doctor," Perez taunted.   
  
"I assure..." as the words left Bashir's mouth, he realized how neatly he had been tricked. Perez started moving before he had completed his own sentence. He feinted left, but whirled right. Bashir's shot missed him by an inch, and Perez sent the phaser flying, before he got off another.   
  
Perez attacked Bashir, using an impressive array of martial arts moves. Bashir's genetic  
enhancements held him in good stead, but he did not have a Security Officer's advanced training. Perez drove his knee, hard, into Bashir's groin and delivered a blow to his neck. Bashir stumbled backward and fell.   
  
Suddenly, two other Starfleet officers waded into the fight. Punches started flying and one of the officers was thrown into a pair of just arriving Klingons. They were delighted to join a fight. Like wildfire, the fight spread and became an all-out brawl. Furniture flew, bottles smashed and blood spattered. Odo and a large Security force arrived, but they were sucked in with everybody else.   
  
In the midst of chaos, Perez maintained his footing, nose bloody, lip split, but rage intact. He advanced on Dr. Bashir who was shakily trying to escape the bar. Somehow, in his alcoholic haze, Perez connected Bashir with all his troubles, including the accident. In his unthinking anger, he wanted to see Bashir badly hurt or dead.   
  
Bashir saw Perez advancing on him and read the hatred in his eyes. He increased his efforts to get out, but his injuries hampered his efforts. Realizing the attempt was fruitless, Bashir turned to face Perez and fight for his life.   
  
The two faced off and the universe seemed to contract around them. Bashir stood, tensed, waiting for attack. Perez stood, relaxed, examining his opponent for weaknesses. Perez sprung, when he heard a terrifying roar and something crashed into his side.   
  
"Garak!" Julian cried, as his friend tackled Perez. He tried to go after them, but was blocked by a pair of struggling Klingons.   
  
Perez was a fully trained Security Officer, but he was no match for a furious, former Obsidian Order operative. Garak broke Perez's nose, shattered his kneecap, broke his arm and gave him a concussion. Perez lay sprawled, only half-conscious, and Garak grabbed him. He pulled back hi arm to make good his threat and deliver a blow that would snap Perez's neck.   
  
"No! Let him go! Garak, please!"   
  
Through a red haze, Garak saw Julian staggering toward him. His beloved hobbled on a wounded leg, and his beautiful face was covered with blood. Garak's protective instincts kicked in. He dropped Perez and moved to Bashir's side. Garak looped one arm around Julian's waist and lifted him over his shoulder. He carried Julian out of the bar, using his free arm to knock all obstacles aside.   
  
"Garak," Julian protested, but the Cardassian did not hear him. In record time, Garak's determined efforts got them out of the bar.   
  
Garak gently set Julian down, but kept his arm protectively around the other man's waist. Julian did not notice, he was too shocked by Perez's actions and the barbarity of the fighting. His doctor's training screamed at him to do something, anything, to stop the fight. He moved back toward the melee, but Garak pulled Julian back into his chest. "Where are you going?" he murmured, in Julian's ear.   
  
"I'm a doctor; I need to assist the wounded."   
  
"If you go back into that, you will only be injured further."   
  
Julian stared into the bar and saw Odo attempting to break things up. His Security Force was scattered throughout Quark's, trying desperately to calm everyone down. Then, Julian spotted Perez, still lying where Garak dropped him. He looked around, an expression of confusion on his face. His eyes held a lost look. Julian thought again of Carla and sobbed. "How did this happen?" he asked, softly.   
  
"I don't know," Garak honestly answered, "I wish, for your sake, it had not."   
  
The sincerity in Garak's voice broke Julian's last barriers. He clutched Garak's waist and leaned, crying, into his shoulder. Garak held his distraught friend and again fervently wished he could properly comfort him. The Cardassian nuzzled Julian's hair and whispered soothing words.   
  
And there, while rage and violence swirled in the next room, two very different men found a measure of solace in the presence of the other.   
  
Chapter 5   
  
Several months later, Dr. Bashir administered a routine physical to a young Cardassian, at a Bajoran orphanage. "All done," he told his young patient. "You're in perfect health."   
  
In tired amusement, he watched the child hurry out. He had been giving physicals all day and longed for a rest. Happily, he had not found any new or serious ailments among these youngsters. This orphanage took good care of its children, unlike some he had recently visited. Bashir's brow darkened momentarily. He brightened, immediately, when Garak walked in.   
  
"Good evening, Garak," Julian said.   
  
"Good evening, Doctor. I hope the physicals went well."   
  
"Excellently! These children are in very good health."   
  
"That is pleasing to here. Are you ready for dinner?"   
  
Julian grinned, "Famished! Where are we eating?" He quickly finished packing and slung his kit over his shoulder.   
  
"The Major recommended a local restaurant. She says the food is good, the atmosphere is pleasant and the owners are tolerant."   
  
Sadness touched Julian's heart; must there always be bad feelings, reminders of pain and hatred? He hid his thoughts and said, "That sounds perfect. I need to talk with the orphanage's head for a moment, then we can go."   
**********   
Garak and Julian strolled toward the village. Both were lost in their own thoughts, but the silence was companionable.   
  
The evening was warm and the setting sun cast a golden glow across the sky. A perfectly   
glorious night it was, especially for romance. Unfortunately, neither man understood the other's feelings, so they did not seize the moment.   
  
They arrived at the restaurant, just as the sun finished setting. They ate outside, by candlelight, and discussed inconsequential matters. The courses were delicious, and both ate with relish. Everything went fine, until there was a slight commotion inside. It lasted only a moment, but piqued the men's interest. When the waiter came to check on them, Garak asked him about it.   
  
"It was nothing, Sir, merely a drunk."   
  
The Cardassian thanked him and returned his attention to Julian. He saw his friend's face and froze. Julian's good cheer had vanished; his face had crumpled.   
  
"Doctor," Garak said softly, "you're thinking of Perez, aren't you?"   
  
"I was wondering what happened to him."   
  
"My dear Doctor, he tried to hurt you, maybe even kill you."   
  
"I know, but I cannot blame him for it. That was the alcohol acting, not him."   
  
Garak snorted. "That's why you did not press charges. The Constable could only charge him with disorderly conduct and inciting a riot. The Bajoran justice system was quite lenient with him. I think they released him last month."   
  
"But, what will he do now?" Julian asked gloomily.   
  
Garak shook his head in exasperation. "He got into this mess himself."   
  
"I know, but alcoholism is a disease, too. I just wish he had let me help him."   
  
The two lapsed into silence. Finally, Garak stirred. "Come, Doctor, we should be getting back."   
  
Julian rose. "I am sorry for ruining our dinner, Garak."   
  
Unusually, Garak spoke without thought, "No time I spend with you could ever be ruined." *Guls, did I say that?*   
  
Julian's eyes filled with tears, but his smile was blinding. "That is the most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me. Thank you, Garak, for being the one to say it."   
  
Garak didn't answer. So beautiful and vulnerable seemed his Julian that Garak feared words. He was close to revealing his heart, but he was so afraid. Truth did not come easily to his lips, and what if Julian rejected him? Julian, his last refuge, his reason for going on with life. No, better hide his love and keep Julian's friendship, then lose him altogether.   
  
Julian practically floated to their lodgings, his spirits soaring from Garak's unexpected admission. Upon arriving, they found Major Kira waiting for them. She invited them to the patio for a drink.   
  
Garak wondered at her solicitous and slightly agitated manner. "Is something wrong, Major?" he inquired.   
  
She glared at him, annoyed by her own transparentness. "I am afraid so. Does either of you need to return to the station right away?" Both men shook their heads and she continued, relieved, "My friend told me that the residents of Loshanat, a small mountain village, are suffering from some sort of disease. Due to the village's remoteness and Bajor's financial difficulties, the government has been unable to send help. Recently,several residents died. The village leaders have requested aid, from the first available source. That would be us."   
  
Bashir piped up, "We should leave immediately."   
  
"Wait, Doctor, the village lies in a high mountain valley, completely surrounded by high cliffs. Due to an unusual mineral in the cliffs, no transmissions can be sent directly from the village. That is another reason why they have had difficulty obtaining medical aid. We will have to stay at the village, until you finished treating everyone."   
  
Bashir nodded understanding, then glanced at Garak.   
  
Garak caught his glance and said, "I will accompany you, if you have no objections."   
  
"I value your companionship, Garak."   
  
Kira's eyes narrowed, "I am not sure the residents of Loshanat will have the same opinion."   
  
Bashir frowned at her, but Garak mildly said, "I will endeavor not to provoke anyone."   
  
The Major started to comment further, but decided against it. "I'll notify Captain Sisko. We'll leave at 0700 hours, tomorrow. Good night, gentlemen." She got up and sauntered off.   
  
Julian finished his drink and stood up, "If we are to leave so early, I should be getting to bed."   
  
*I wish I could join you.* "Good night, Doctor."   
  
Julian regarded him with gentle concern, "You require rest, too."   
  
"I shall be up, directly," Garak said, a trifle annoyed.   
  
Grinning a little at Garak's response, Julian nodded and went in. Garak lingered a few minutes, his heart and mind at odds with each other. Finally, he sighed and followed the doctor inside.  
**********   
The morning arrived, crisp and clear. Garak, Bashir and Kira piled into their runabout. They made the trip in silence. Both Kira and Bashir worried about what they might find at the village. Garak's thoughts revolved around Julian Bashir, no matter how often he tried to direct them to another subject.   
  
Major Kira steered the Ganges up the slope of a high mountain. They flew low over a small valley in which nestled the town. Composed mostly of farms, the village's fields filled the valley. A small cluster of buildings comprised the main part of Loshanat.   
  
The only entrance to the town, other then by air, was a narrow road. The road was surrounded by high cliffs on which perched large, menacing boulders. In fact, the entire town lay in the path of a talus slope, covered with large rocks. A few boulders littered the valley, having rolled from their former positions.   
  
Kira landed the runabout about twenty meters from the main part of the village. The three  
disembarked and walked toward the center of town. A small group came out to greet them.   
  
"Thank the Prophets you're here," a middle-aged man exclaimed.   
  
"We came as soon as we heard. I am Major Kira Nerys, this is Doctor Julian Bashir and Mr. Garak."   
  
The Bajoran man quickly turned to Bashir. "Please, Doctor, many of our people are very sick. We desperately need your assistance."   
  
"Of course, please lead the way."   
  
The entire group disappeared into a nearby building, leaving Kira and Garak alone.   
  
"Not very hospitable of them, just abandoning us here in the street," Garak grumbled.   
  
Kira reluctantly agreed, then shrugged, "We might as well look around."   
  
The two walked around the area, taking in the dilapidated buildings, the careworn residents and the general air of poverty. Kira shuddered, the place brought up unpleasant memories.   
  
Seeing her shake, Garak said, "Perhaps we should find a suitable place for our lodgings."   
  
Kira nodded, grateful for something to do.   
  
Starting back to the runabout, Kira paused in front of a building whose door was open. Curious, she walked up, with Garak trailing behind her. They looked in and saw the place was a bar. About a dozen people patronized it, and one looked distinctly familiar.   
  
"Perez," Kira breathed.   
  
Garak also saw him. *Well, now we know what happened to him. I wish we did not.* "Major, I doubt he wishes to see us, especially me." Garak pulled away from the doorway.   
  
"I concur. He doesn't look very good." She also stepped back.   
  
*His degradation will hurt Julian.* "Major, if you do not mind, I would like to tell Dr. Bashir about finding Perez."   
  
Kira regarded him, interested, "Both of you had run-ins with Perez, didn't you?"   
  
"Yes, twice, he physically assaulted Dr. Bashir."   
  
"And both times you stopped him."   
  
Garak ignored the remark, "He may attack him again."   
  
Kira squared her shoulders and a look of maternal protectiveness appeared on her features. "We won't let him touch Julian."   
  
Amused, Garak thought, *She likes him, despite herself. His gentleness and compassion have affected her, too.*   
  
They finished their walk in silence. Returning to the runabout, each fell about their task.   
**********   
  
Night brought a gentle breeze, which chilled the air. Garak stood outside, admiring the bright stars.   
  
Julian called, not long after he and the Major returned to the runabout, and said he would be pulling an all-nighter.   
  
"These people are suffering from heavy metal poisoning. Probably all the villagers are poisoned to some extent. Everyone will have to be tested," Julian said, "I can treat them, but, until the underlying cause is found, they will continue to get sick."   
  
Major Kira said, "Finding the cause will give us something to do. We will get on it first thing  
tomorrow."   
  
Julian smiled his thanks, "I better get back to my patients. Some of them are extremely ill and will die without proper treatment."   
  
Garak did not have an opportunity to tell Julian about Perez. He hoped the young doctor would be spared a meeting, at least until Garak told him. Bashir was too busy to be told now, at any rate.   
  
Garak's gaze found a particularly brilliant star. *A wishing star.* He wrinkled his nose, in distaste. *When did I become soft and sentimental?* Still, he continued to stare at it. Softly, in his head, he heard Julian's voice, *Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight*   
  
"I wish I could find the courage to tell Julian of my love for him."   
  
The Cardassian returned to the group's temporary lodgings. The stars shone on, but, for a brief instance, one appeared to flash even more brightly.   
  
  
Chapter 6   
  
  
Enrique Perez started drinking in order to forget. Now, he drank to punish himself. He hated, no, he loathed himself and his actions since the accident. He threw away his career, rejected his friends and hurt good people, all because he could not face the truth. His mistake started the chain of events leading to the crash. He could not live with that knowledge, so he drank. Drinking did not alleviate his anger, however. Instead, it directed it outwardly, toward other people, like Dr. Bashir.   
  
When Perez heard a Dr. Bashir was conducting tests on all villagers, his only thought was to get as far away as possible. Not only was he ashamed of his actions, but he heard Bashir's formidable friend, Garak, was also here. Perez was willing to drink himself into oblivion, but he wanted no part of the death Garak might hand him.   
  
Perez hiked across the valley, carrying food, water and alcohol with him. His going was slow; alcohol and heavy metal poisoning had already taken a toll on his health. When he finally made it to his destination, he flopped under a shady tree and pulled out a bottle.   
**********   
Garak brought his tired friend lunch. With enthusiasm, Julian devoured it and settled back, emitting a soft sigh. "Any luck finding the cause of the poisoning?" he asked.   
  
Garak answered grimly, "There is fistrium in all of their underground wells. The fistrium is leaking out of the soil and hard rock. There is no way to permanently fix the problem."   
  
"So, they will have to treat their water every time they want to use it for anything."   
  
"These people did not even have access to the technology to check their water."   
  
"The Occupation left them too poor," Julian answered softly, "Fortunately, Starfleet should be willing to provide them with the equipment to treat their water."   
  
"They'll have to be taught how to use the equipment and convinced to use it. Not an easy  
task...."   
  
Julian sighed again. "Speaking of hard tasks, I'm glad you and the Major can help me administer treatment. I don't think I could do it alone. So many villagers are exceedingly ill, and they require constant attention." Julian smiled suddenly at Garak, "I'm also glad of your company; it is most welcome."   
  
Garak shifted uncomfortably. "Thank you. Doctor, are you sure you checked out all the villagers?"   
  
Julian examined Garak curiously. "I think so.... why?"   
  
Garak shifted again. "You didn't mention having seen Perez."   
  
Julian straightened up. "You mean Enrique Perez?"   
  
"During our first day here, the Major and I saw him."   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"   
  
"You had enough on your mind, without Perez."   
  
"He hasn't come in for testing. Garak, he must be found and treated. He doesn't even know to be careful about what he eats or drinks...." Julian trailed off and looked askance at Garak.   
  
"Yes, Doctor, he still drinks. Quite heavily, too, by the look of him."   
  
  
"Even more reason to find him. His body is being poisoned by two sources. Garak, will you locate him and convince him to come here?"   
  
"Me? I doubt very much that I can convince him of anything. How about sending Major Kira?"   
  
"She's helping some farmers, who have severely ill family members. I cannot leave because of my patients. Please, Garak, you are the only one who can."   
  
*I cannot refuse you anything, my darling Julian.* Garak got up. "I'll try."   
  
Julian rached out and squeezed Garak's hand. "I always seem to be thanking you, lately."   
  
Again, Garak felt an impulse to pour out his heart to the beautiful human. Instead, he merely smiled and headed out. *Coward, will you never admit your feelings to him?*   
  
He scanned the valley and detected Terran life signs about five miles away. Garak got a medkit from the runabout. *No telling what condition Perez will be in, when I find him. Or what I'll have to do to convince him to come back with me.*   
  
Garak set off, following a rarely used dirt path. The road led out of town and, soon, Garak was walking directly along the cliff wall. He was about two hours out when the shaking started. Garak didn't have a chance; rocks buried him in a matter of seconds.   
  
  
Chapter 7   
  
  
When the earthquake struck, Dr. Bashir was walking toward one of the farms outside town. He had just administered treatment to the patients in his makeshift hospital and was going to check on some of the less ill villagers. Major Kira remained behind to watch over the hospital.   
  
The earthquake entered the valley with a thunderous rumble. Like a giant wave, the ground rolled and heaved. Unstable buildings collapsed or fell over. Geysers erupted from ruptured water mains. Parts of the valley sunk two feet.   
  
Suddenly, a hurricane force gale tore across the valley. Still standing buildings ripped from their foundations. The runabout flew eighty feet, before smashing into a boulder. People were swept up by the winds, including Dr. Bashir, who went end-over-end across the valley. Torn from their roots, trees, crops and other plants filled the air. Dust obscured the sun.   
  
The wind was the first sign of the oncoming rock slide. With an awful roar, part of the 1,600 foot mountain fell on top of the village. Shuttle-craft sized boulders rolled down the side, through the valley, up the other wall and back into the valley. Sparks, thrown up by the boulders, ignited several fires.   
  
One large rock smashed through the still standing bar, killing everyone inside. A minute later, the wreckage was covered with three feet of rubble. The hospital roof collapsed, trapping dozens of people, among them Major Kira, beneath it. Miraculously, the rubble missed the hospital's remains. A wall of dirt, rocks and boulders filled the mountain road's entrance. The demolished town was sealed off from the outside world.   
**********   
  
Dr. Bashir escaped serious harm because the wind blew him out of the slide's path. He flew and rolled to the opposite side of the valley. For a moment, wind pinned him to the rock face. Then, he fell gracelessly to earth as the wind slowed. Choking on and blinded by dust, Bashir felt tremors shake the ground several more times. Additional landslides caused horrible grinding and shaking sounds. In the distance, somebody cried hauntingly for help.   
  
Despite multiple lacerations and broken ribs, Bashir climbed to his feet and made for the sound. Using his augmented hearing, he located the crier. It was a young woman, her legs pinned under a fallen tree. Bashir grabbed a broken branch and pried the log upwards. His ribs screamed protest, but his genetically enhanced strength allowed him to lift the log several inches. Scooting backwards frantically, the Bajoran freed herself. Bashir eased the log back down. Instantly, Bashir knelt at the woman's side; he saw one of her legs was fractured.   
  
"My family," she sobbed, "they were buried...I...I...saw it happen..."   
  
Bashir made comforting noises and carefully put a splint on her leg. She continued to sob in grief and pain.   
  
The doctor faced an unenviable dilemma. The woman could not walk, and his injuries prevented his carrying her. He needed to get back to the village, but he loathed to leave her there.   
  
"Hello! Is anybody there?" a voice called.   
  
"Over here! We need assistance!"   
  
Perez appeared out of the gloom, hungover, but none the worse for wear.   
  
*God protects fools, little girls and drunks,* Bashir thought wryly. "Perez, I need your help."   
  
Perez walked over to them, but refused to meet Bashir's eyes. "Doctor," he mumbled.   
  
"Perez, look at me. The past is gone, forgotten; the present is what counts. We must get back to town...."   
  
"At least, what remains of it," Perez said, softly.   
  
"....but my ribs are cracked and her leg is fractured."   
  
Perez stared into the dust-filled air. "Shouldn't we wait for some of the dust to settle? You can barely see five feet in front of you."   
  
"You and I both got here safely. We must get back; the injured will need help."   
  
The former officer nodded his agreement. He knelt and gently lifted the injured Bajoran. She bit her lip to prevent a scream of pain. The three made their way toward the ruined town. The going was treacherous and their combined health problems necessitated a   
snail's pace.   
  
With the passage of time, the dust began to settle, revealing more and more destruction. The group encountered several corpses and had to leave them where they had fallen. Nothing, however, prepared them for what greeted them at the town site.   
  
The majority of the small town lay beneath six feet of rubble. Anything not buried was flattened. A few shell-shocked survivors wandered aimlessly among the ruins.   
  
Perez glanced at Bashir's grim face. His Starfleet training kicked in. "I'll help in any way possible, Doctor."   
  
"I know you will, Enrique."   
  
Wearing equally determined expression, the two men marched into the ruins.   
  
  
Chapter 8   
  
Julian Bashir knelt by his dying friend. Elim Garak's breathing was shallow and labored. His striking face was pasty and drawn. He had a day left, maybe two.   
  
One of the villager's search parties, organized by Perez, found him, half buried in rubble. Somehow, Garak had managed to dig himself part way out. Julian wondered where he had found the fortitude.   
  
From the moment Julian saw Garak's battered body, he knew he could not save him without proper medical equipment. Garak bled from several internal wounds and suffered multiple broken bones. In short, unless someone operated on him immediately, there was no hope of his surviving.   
  
Julian asked Major Kira, who had two broken arms and a head wound, about the possibility of help. She sighed sadly, "It's so remote up here, they probably won't get here for a week or more. News comes from here so sporadically, no one will notice. "   
  
"But many of my patients will be dead by then!"   
  
"I know Julian, but unless someone can call for help..."   
  
"That means a 1600 foot climb to the top of the cliffs. No signals can get out of this valley because of the fistrium! Nobody here is in any shape to make the climb. Those few who aren't severely injured suffer from poisoning and exhaustion."   
  
Kira made no reply. She averted her eyes away from the tortured doctor. Inwardly, she prayed to the Prophets for guidance and comfort. Neither she nor Bashir noticed Perez quietly moving away from them.   
  
Now, Julian kept vigil over his fallen companion. Three more people had died, since he talked to Kira. Julian knew he would lose more. Their deaths pained him, but not half so much as Elim's would. Not half so much.   
  
"Doctor," a soft voice said, and Julian looked into pain-filled, but lucid, blue eyes.   
  
"Garak, how are you feeling?"   
  
"The way I should, like a dying man."   
  
"Garak..."   
  
"Please, Doctor, I have seen enough death to know its symptoms."   
  
"Help could get here in time," Julian said desperately.   
  
The Cardassian smiled. "Lying is not your forte, Doctor."   
  
Julian had no answer and the two fell into silence. They tried conversation on several occasions, but failed miserably.   
  
Julian got up and examined his patients. Elim watched him and admired his professionalism and compassion. *This is your last chance, old man.*   
  
Julian finally finished and settled back next to Garak. He gazed into sapphire blue eyes. "Garak...."   
  
With a gesture, Elim silenced him, "Julian, I haven't much time left. There are some important things I must tell you. The truth, for once."   
  
Julian's eyes widened at the use of his first name and the implication of the Cardassian's words.   
  
"I am a coward. No, please, don't say anything, I am a coward. I have been afraid to speak my heart because I thought I would lose your friendship."   
  
"Nothing you tell me could ever lose you that!"   
  
"If only I had been sure of that, I would not have delayed in telling you. But, you are one of my only reasons for living, and I dared not do anything that might endanger what we share." Elim saw the dawning understanding in Julian's eyes. "You do not seem to realize how special you are. Your beauty, intelligence, compassion, friendliness and many other gifts have brightened my lonely existence. Oh Julian, can you not see how much I love you! I have long been yours; I will always be yours!"   
  
The response to Elim's words was immediate; Julian burst into tears.   
**********   
  
Nearby, Enrique Perez overheard the whole conversation. He did not mean to eavesdrop; he was coming over to apologize to Garak and his brave friend. Now, he knew words could never be enough.   
  
He crept stealthily over to the sleeping Major Kira. Taking great pains not to disturb her, Perez removed her combadge. At a quick pace, he set out for the mountain pass. There was only one way to redeem himself and that involved a considerable climb.   
*********   
Julian's wracking sobs finally slowed. "Elim, I love you so terribly! I just never knew how to tell you. I suppose I have been a coward, too."   
  
"I wish I had known"   
  
"I wish I had told you." Julian gently lifted Elim's head and placed it in his lap. His soft fingers lightly stroked Elim's eyeridges. The Cardassian sighed in soft contentment. "SO much wasted time," Julian murmured.   
  
"Do not mourn for what is past, instead let's enjoy what little time is left us." A tear ran down Julian's face and Elim wiped it away. "Please do not weep, j'barra - my heart."   
  
"I'll try." Julian continued to stroke Elim's face.   
  
"J'barra, will you do me a favor?"   
  
"Anything, beloved."   
  
"You know how much I professed to hate Shakespeare? Well, I would like to hear you recite one of his sonnets to me. Number 116, I believe."   
  
"Number 116?" Julian asked, unbelieving.   
  
Elim nodded. "The one I called sappy."   
  
"As I recall, that was the least of your criticisms."   
  
"Perhaps I was a tad harsh."   
  
"A tad?"   
  
"Come on j'barra, say it for me like you mean it."   
  
" I do, beloved, I do...   
  
Let me not to the marriage of true minds,   
Admit impediments. Love is not love   
Which alters when it alteration finds   
Or bends with the remover to remove.   
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark   
That looks upon tempests and is never shaken;   
It is the star to every wandering bark,   
Whose worth's unknown, although rosy lips and cheeks   
Within his bending sickle's compass come;   
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,   
But bears it out to the edge of doom.   
If this be false and upon me proved,   
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."   
  
  
Julian had started softly, but his voice built up strength. Then, Elim's voice joined his for the last four lines, and they finished together. Julian bent down and joined their lips, as naturally as their voices had just been joined.   
**********   
Enrique Perez paused, gasping for breath. His head spun, and his arms and legs felt like lead weights. Gripping his hand holds, Perez leaned his head against the smooth, cool rocks. He remained that way, until his breathing slowed.   
  
He started his climb again slowly and carefully. Every movement was dangerous; each rock threatened to fall out from beneath his feet. Beneath him lay a thousand feet of air, followed by the ground.   
  
*Only another 600 feet, Enrique. You can do this! You owe it, if not to your self, then to Bashir and Garak.*   
  
Slowly, treacherously, he worked his way ever upwards. Suddenly, he stopped and began to heave. His stomach disgorged its contents violently. Every jerk threatened to send him plummeting; only grim determination kept him in place. Finally, the retchhing stopped.   
  
Now even more covered in filth, Perez kept going. He looked upwards and saw he was nearing the top. *Right foot, left foot, traveling on,* he thought. *You're losing it, Perez."   
  
He crawled unto the ridge top and lay there, flat on his belly. Sleep threatened, and he grimly forced it away. Carefully rolling over, he made the most important call of his life.   
**********   
  
Julian pulled away from Elim's lips reluctantly. Their eyes locked, both trying to convey a lifetime of love through glowing orbs.   
Julian stirred, "Elim, I must check on my patients."   
  
"Of course."   
  
"I'll be back, beloved," Julian promised, placing his love's head gently down. He started his rounds, treating everyone to the best of his ability. Several of his patients were fading fast with only hours left.   
  
Julian glanced at Elim and grief, mingled with rage, swept through him. *Unfair!* He shook it away and examined Major Kira. She slept soundly and did not awaken, even when he checked her head.   
  
After adjusting Kira's bandage, Julian got up. He looked around, sure he was missing something. The sight of Elim made Julian forget his worry. He knew he had treated all those who required it, so he went back to his love.   
  
Examining Elim, Julian was alarmed by his growing pastiness. "Elim!" he said and was awarded by the opening of the Cardassian's eyes. "Please, beloved, hang on!"   
  
"I am trying. Talk j'barra, it helps."   
  
"I have no words! They all seem so inadequate...so trivial..."   
  
"Not when you say them," Elim countered, then chuckled. "Listen to me, freely speaking my heart. Death has given me the courage to tell the truth."   
  
"Elim, please do not joke about it!"   
  
"But, it is true! Some men find their courage in drink, but I..."   
  
*Drink? Perez! Where is Perez?!* These thoughts flew through Julian's mind, but vanished, as he smothered Elim's words with another kiss.   
**********   
Enrique knew he was going to die. Strangely, he felt no fear, only a mild annoyance. *Why now? Oh well, better now, then before.*   
  
He had just started back down, when the rocks slipped from beneath him. Holding on desperately, he scrabbled for a foothold. None to be found.... Now, strength failing, he knew his time was done.   
  
Making his last decision, Enrique unclenched his hands. Falling, the words *...tis a far, far better rest that I go to...*entered his mind, before the ground ended all thought.   
  
  
Chapter 9   
  
Julian and Elim attended Enrique Perez's memorial service. Due to his selfless actions, Starfleet posthumously reinstated Perez. They also awarded him the Medal of Honor, which they gave to his mother.   
  
Bashir and Sisko each gave a short talk in Perez's honor. A close friend of his delivered a touching eulogy, and Julian's eyes teared. Elim gently squeezed his hand, and a surge of love filled Julian.   
  
*I owe this to Perez. I owe everything to Perez.*   
  
As Perez's body was consigned to space, Julian murmured, "Goodbye, Enrique."   
**********   
At the wake, many of the crew celebrated Perez's life. Major Kira, carrying three glasses of Bajoran Spring Wine, walked over to Garak and Bashir. She handed a glass to each of them and raised her own. "To Enrique Perez."   
  
"To Enrique Perez," the two men echoed, then drank.   
  
Kira smiled, carefully examining the two. There was something different about Garak. He seemed to have softened, somehow. Yet, his actions were infused with a new vigor. She looked into Julian's gorgeous, liquid hazel eyes and knew. *Lucky Cardie.*   
  
Julian saw the flash of understanding and ducked his head. He felt tired and did not wish to answer any questions. He needed time to mourn for Perez, alone.   
  
After help arrived, Julian had no time for anything. His relief at knowing Elim would live overshadowed his grief at Perez's death. Now, his sorrow had caught up with him. Seeing Elim and Kira deep in conversation (at which part of his mind reacted with great surprise), he snuck out.   
**********  
About an hour later, Elim Garak strolled toward his j'barra, who was gazing at the stars. "Julian," he called, ever so softly.   
  
A pair of tear-filled eyes met a pair of gentle sapphire ones. Elim enfolded Julian in a loving embrace. He nuzzled and kissed the soft, silky brown hair.   
  
Julian snuggled deeper, "I wish I could repay Perez."   
  
"I believe he found his chance for redemption as payment enough."   
  
"I hope so.... I'm just sorry he had to die like that."   
  
"Perez was not sorry; of that, j'barra, I am sure."   
  
Julian considered, then nodded. He turned in Elim's arms, so both faced the stars. He rested his head on Elim's shoulder. The two lovers stood intertwined and gazed contentedly at the endless stars.   
  
*Thank you, Enrique Perez, wherever you are.*   
  
  
~end~ 


End file.
